To paraphrase Walt Disney, “Yemeny Cricket!”

Monday, January 4, 2009

My Pick for Ambassador to Yemen

So here’s this country, Yemen, where wannabe terrorists go to be trained in ways they can kill us. How nice. Remind me not to go there on vacation.

One of their graduates, from the Yemen Institute for Terrorist Studies – albeit not, apparently, one of their best students – turns out to be the textbook case for who not to let on a plane bound for the United States. Heck, he should have been denied a visa if, for no other reason, than not even Americans want to go to Detroit. How suspect is that?! And yet, he gets a ticket, and tries to blow up the plane. Thank goodness he wasn’t very good at his job.

It’s a failed attack on the United States which does us the huge favor of pointing out that our sense of security against just such an attack has been largely illusory. That’s the good news. The bad news, and no small victory for these criminals, is that it will succeed in causing us to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on high tech scanners and their use, not to mention the countless hours of otherwise productive time most harmless passengers will be wasting going through these machines.
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Implausible Deniability: Who is President Obama kidding?

Monday, January 4, 2010

Henry David Thoreau once wrote, “Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.”

Two questions:

1. Would any of us who believed in and voted for President Obama thought that he would have allowed or even endorsed the deals struck by Senator Harry Reid to procure the votes of hold-out Democrats for the Senate’s healthcare legislation?

Exempting Nebraska from paying its share of expanded Medicaid… forever …for Senator Ben Nelson’s vote, saving Nebraska an estimated $45 million over the next 10 years.

$10 billion (with a “b”) for community health centers in Vermont for Senator Bernie Sander’s vote.

A $300 million increase in Medicaid for Louisiana for Senator Mary Landrieu’s vote.

Not to mention the deal President Obama, himself, struck with representatives of American pharmaceutical manufacturers earlier this year, the price of which was the failure of Senate Democrats to approve the importation of prescription drugs from Canada – this from a candidate, now President who has persistently denounced the influence of lobbyists.

2. Do any of us really believe that President Obama was, in fact, unaware of these deals being struck? …that Senator Reid made these arrangements – the first 3 I’ve listed above, among others – without the prior knowledge of key Administration insiders, including the President to whom those insiders report?

-wf


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Enchilada Books (.com)

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Saturday, January 2, 2010

Inspired by my favorite corner bookstore.

“Hey, babe,” Toby Cooper looked up to see his wife, Amanda, and their three year old son, Nathan, on their way in. “Close the door, will you?”

Toby was the third generation owner of “My Family’s Bookstore” that had been there on the corner for what seemed like forever. It was and had always been an ethnic neighborhood, a place where people from somewhere else came on their way to making something more of themselves. Amidst all this change, My Family’s Bookstore was one of the few constants.

Whatever their origins or reasons, just having made it this far was proof of their motivation, of character and commitment which, by and large, would serve them well. Toby’s great-grandfather was no exception. He began waiting tables and eventually managed a prominent local restaurant until he retired. It was his son, Toby’s grandfather, the first of his family to go to college in a time when not everyone did, who started the bookstore. When he retired, his son, Toby’s father, took over, expanding the store into their building’s second floor, growing the business for Toby who came to work there full-time after he graduated. And now, with the untimely death of his father a few years ago, the store was Toby’s. He was young, but ready. It was a bookstore he had been born to run.

“Hi, Daddy!” Nathan was so excited, his dark brown curly hair bouncing as he trotted around the big old desk in his father’s office to give Toby a hug. Climbing up on Toby’s lap, he would pay attention, shaking his head up and down, left and right sometimes, touching the papers on his father’s desk as if he understood what was happening. The three of them lived in the loft apartment on the fourth and top story of the building. The bookstore was on the first two floors, and kept its supplies and extra inventory in the basement. The third floor was divided into two apartments that were rented. It was a good, sturdy building, the kind about which people like to say, “They don’t make them like that anymore.”
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Mold Devil

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, December 27, 2009

This is a little story about my father, Thomas Barnard, who encouraged me
to write and who will always be my biggest fan. “You’ll be better soon, Daddy.”

“Hi,” he said to the two female graduate students who had been staying with the patient, doing their best to communicate with him. Women, his years of experience had taught him, were better at making patients – without gender specific disorders – feel comfortable. “Give us 30 minutes, and then wait outside until we’re done.” Saying nothing, the two left the room, the door locking shut behind them. Once closed, a security code was required to exit without assistance from the outside. The windows for this third story apartment looked ordinary enough, but didn’t open and were made of unbreakable glass – as were the lens covers for the surveillance cameras. There were no curtains or blinds. The glass in the windows could be darkened electronically with the turn of a dial.

“How are you today, Mr. Barnard?” Dr. Brian Cummings was the Chairman of the Institute for Psychological Studies where Thomas Barnard had been admitted a few days earlier. Notwithstanding his administrative responsibilities, Cummings continued to handle patients, deferring his more mundane management tasks to others he’d hired. With him that morning was Dr. Elisha Mercer, a junior colleague on the faculty. Together, they were in the studio apartment that was, for patients of the institute, the style of the room to which they were assigned. Thomas was standing, staring out of the bay window that looked out over the woods at the edge of the campus. It didn’t seem as if he’d heard them come in, so Dr. Cummings tried again. “Mr. Bernard?”
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Do women really live longer than men?

Saturday, December 26, 2009

I don’t think so.

Round numbers, American women have an average life expectancy of 80 years, while my gender – I’m a guy. – is expected to average only 75 years. That’s a 5 year spread in my wife’s favor. The question I have is, are women that much stronger, that much more durable than men, or do they just get more sleep than we do? Let me explain.

Keep in mind that I’m basing my analysis on a scientifically selected sample of two, my wife and me, which means my conclusions will be accurate to within a margin of error of plus or minus 100%. Put another way, in language my wife might use, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Now try to keep up.

My wife – the love of my life and woman of my dreams – sleeps an average of 8 hours a day. I, on the other hand, sleep an average of only 6 hours. This 2 hour difference can be explained by any number of factors, none of which I care to talk about in mixed company.


This is where my wife and I sleep. That’s her on the left.
(Notice that I’m missing.)

We were married when we were 22, the summer we graduated from college. When I’m 76, we will have been married 54 years. Let’s do the math:

54 years x 365 days/year = 19,710 days that we will have been married. (I’ll confirm this by counting the lines – 4 vertical, 1 diagonal – that I’ve scratched into the brick of our fireplace.)

19,710 days x 2 hours/day that I’m awake, but my wife isn’t = 39,420 hours extra awake time I will have had during the life of our marriage.

My wife’s awake 16 hours a day. Okay, 39,420 hours / 16 hours/day = 2,464 “wife days” that I will have been awake more than she has. (I had no idea this was going to be so easy to prove.)

2,464 “wife days” / 365 days/year = 6.75 more “wife years” that I have been awake than she has. In terms of “wife years,” when I die at 76, I’ll really be 82.75 “wife years” old. My wife, on the other hand, will only live to be 80.

So there! I rest my case. (Speaking of rest, I think I need a nap.)

-wf


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Dream On

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Friday, December 25, 2009

“Pssst.” Nothing. “…Hey,” he said a little louder.

“Whuh!” Carole shot up in her bed. “Ah,” she couldn’t seem to breathe, fumbling franticly in the almost darkness for her glasses on the crowed night table, pushing her alarm clock onto the floor, rattling her metal lampshade while she nervously clicked the switch again and again.

“Looking for these?” The stranger standing a few feet to the side of her bed held up her glasses and cell phone. Given the circumstances, his voice and demeanor were remarkably casual. He seemed comfortable, at ease with himself as if this was something he’d done before. “I’ve turned off your power. The light won’t go on. There’s no point.”

Carole could see him, but not clearly. Her vision wasn’t all that good, and the only light in the room was from a lamppost on the other side of the street coming through narrow blinds she’d closed just enough to give her privacy. Her breathing was labored.
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Unemployment Benefits: Too little to be effective.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Unemployment compensation has been a tool for reducing the impact of any downturn since the 1930s. The idea is simple. In a consumer driven economy, when employers feel the need to lay off workers, one of the most effective tools at your disposal is to continue to pay the unemployed for humanitarian reasons, of course, but also so that their demand for goods and services will not decline so substantially as to make matters worse.
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Perverse proof Senate Democrats aren’t serious about bi-partisan healthcare reform

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

For the record, so you don’t misinterpret these comments, I’m not a Republican. I’m just a guy, a registered independent, who likes to write.

There’s a country admonition that says you should never buy anything from a salesman who’s out of breath. The salesmen I’m talking about in this case are Senator Harry Reid and President Barack Obama.

In a desperate, eleventh hour attempt to pass healthcare legislation regardless of the quality of that bill or its costs, Senate Majority Leader Reid made a deal with Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska, the one Democrat holdout. To pay for Senator Nelson’s vote, Senate Democrats agreed, on our behalf mind you, to exempt Nebraska – and only Nebraska – from its share of the costs of Medicaid expansion forever, for the life of the Republic. It was only the latest in a number of deals Democrats have struck with their more greedy colleagues, costing the American people billions of dollars.

As to the lack of bi-partisan support which Democrats and the President have argued is all the Republicans’ fault, I offer three comments:

The first is an impression, that the Democrats’ idea of bi-partisan cooperation is unilateral acceptance by Republicans of what the Democrats have proposed. Yes, the Republicans have a different concept of government than the particular philosophy that President Obama has encouraged his Democrats in Congress to endorse. And yes, election politics is running rampant in Washington. Even so, it’s important to ask ourselves what Republic proposals or perspectives have been incorporated in the Senate legislation in the spirit of bi-partisan cooperation by the Democrats?

Forget about bi-partisan support, these egregious deals struck by Senator Reid are proof positive that he and President Obama didn’t even have partisan (unanimous Democratic) support for their own legislation – without the need to bribe some of their own.

And here’s the perverse observation… Not one such deal was offered or at least accepted by any Republican Senator. I know it sounds bizarre, but if the Democrats are so interested in bi-partisan support, why not buy a couple of the 40 Republican votes in the Senate by making them the same offers they made to their Democrat colleagues who held their own legislation hostage?

-wf


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Healthcare Legislation Interview of the Day: “This ‘beat the clock’ is really overruling legislative sanity.”

Monday, December 21, 2009

That headline quote is from Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine from her appearance yesterday on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” You’ll have to skip by the commercial which I couldn’t edit out, but it’s worth watching. If you prefer, I’ve included a similar print version of her remarks from the Senator’s website.

“Legislative sanity” is exactly what this is about. The President and most Democrats in the Senate and House are proceeding to pass healthcare legislation according to arbitrary deadlines in reckless disregard for due process and for the quality and costs of they are accomplishing. It’s nuts and, to be blunt, they deserve to be thrown out of office the very first chance the American people get, President Obama included.

Senator Snowe is no obstructionist, no partisan Republican hell bent on denying the President and Democrats a political victory. She is, quite to the contrary, a very intelligent, experienced state and federal legislator who is committed to meaningful, affordable healthcare reform. If you remember, Senator Snowe was the only Republican to vote for an earlier version of the Senate’s bill when it came to a vote on the Senate Finance Committee. What she is, is a voice of clarity in a democratic process overwhelmed by the worst kind of politics. I encourage you to listen to her brief interview or read her comments, and to judge their value for yourselves.

-wf


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Say “Hello” to Jane

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, December 20, 2009

“Hey,” Josh looked up and over his computer, surprised to see the girl he’d been dating standing in front of his desk, his eyes distracted on their way up by the wallpaper picture of the girl of his dreams.

Josh’s desk was one of eight on the third floor where his team worked to keep their cable news service’s website up to date. It was Friday, just after 7 PM, less than an hour before another team would takeover. The day had started light, but political news and several international stories had started to break late and the floor was busier than usual going into the weekend.

There was no leaving early. In fact, they all lived for the sound of people talking to each other and on the phone, the constant motion of staff coming and going, the odd mix of professional business and social interaction that they made their days in the wide open office that was more their home than where they lived. It was a place where people came in early just to hang out, and went out after work with the other staff that had become their friends.

“Hey,” she said back to him, her look serious, the tone of her voice flat.
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