Lot Boy

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, March 7, 2010

“Okay, before we get out…”

Mindy’s father released his seatbelt, slid forward and turned to talk to his daughter through space between their bucket seats, while her mother just sat there, staring straight ahead impatiently, both hands on her pocketbook in her lap, waiting for her husband to make the obligatory parental… No, strike that. …his obligatory fatherly remarks. If it was up to her, the mother, she’d have been out of the car and bought one already. Mindy, one hand on the door handle, did her best to be attentive and to take her father seriously, pushing her glasses up on her nose with the forefinger of her left hand.

“…You’ve done great in school, really great.” Mindy smiled at the pride she shared with her “Daddy,” which was what she still called him, most of the time, unless there were other people around. Your mother and I were going to wait until you graduated next year, …”
Continue…

Silent Partners

A Valentine’s Day Story for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, February 14, 2010

“Hand me another napkin, Honey,” Henry thought to himself, referring to Elaine, his wife of 52 years. He didn’t bother to take his eyes off the article he was reading in the technology section of the paper. The napkin holder had been shoved to her corner of the table, behind the packages of sugar, the ketchup and the salt and pepper shakers, when the waiter/busboy had dropped and slid their plates on the old Formica table at their favorite booth, the one where they had a late breakfast every Sunday morning. They liked that particular booth at the noisy corner deli because of the view it had of people coming and going through the park across the street and the way the sun came through the glass walls even on a cloudy day.

Elaine finished the last few lines of the article she was reading about agri-product futures, and refolded the business section. Henry liked to hold the entire paper in front of him. She used to ride the subway to work and had become very skilled at folding and refolding the paper in quarters which she did to find the rest of the piece on an interior page. Reaching to the napkin holder, she pulled the first one out, which tore because they always do, and then two more. “Here,” she handed them to her husband, accompanied by a voice only he could hear. “Anything interesting?”

“Well, that young couple at the counter keeps staring at us.”
Continue…

Broken Rose

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, February 7, 2010

It was two hours, forty-two minutes after they had met at the mid-life crisis pickup bar down the street. He was the married father of two children. She, so it appeared to him, was a single woman, in town for a few days on business, looking for someone at the end of a long day. Or maybe she was a call girl. He didn’t really care as long as he could afford to pay her without his wife finding out. He wasn’t bad looking. She used to be beautiful, and would have been now were it not for something about her eyes that would have caused a more careful man to think twice about taking her to bed.

In the hotel room he’d paid for in cash – his wife at their home in the suburbs thinking, because he told her, that he was working late, hoping, but not really believing that he was telling the truth – Ed was sitting up in bed, propped up against two overly soft pillows, his hands curled too tightly over the sheet and blanket he’d pulled up to his waist, his eyes looking straight ahead at nothing. Rose, the name she had given him, was sitting naked on the edge of the bed, facing the open room, pressing with her hands on the top of her legs to extend her chest, her eyes closing for just a moment.
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My Summer Job

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, January 23, 2010

“Hey, Mom!”

“Hi, honey. You sound like you’re in your car.”

“Yeah, we’re on the road again.”

“Hey, Mrs. Nunzio!”

“Jessie says ‘Hello,’ Mom.”

“Sure. I heard her screaming.”

“Where’s Dad?”
Continue…

The Speed Date

Short Fiction for Guests of the WordFeeder
Sunday, January 17, 2009

Late Saturday afternoon in the small ballroom of a downtown hotel. Twenty men and women, 25 to 29 years old, are having 5 minute dates. Never married. No children. No religious preference.

Twelve mutually disappointing interviews into the afternoon, “He” pulls out the chair on his side of the circle of small square tables, trying to make eye contact and smiling politely as “She,” the young woman with the small yellow pad and pen sitting across from him, turns over a fresh page.

“What are you drinking?” She thought she would begin with a meaningless question just to make sure her voice was still working.

“Water. ..What about you?” he asked, looking at the pineapple shell on her side of the table. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a drink with that many umbrellas.”
Continue…

“What the.. ?” of the Day: Who is NBC’s Dick Ebersol kidding?

Friday, January 15, 2010

Hi. According to an article by Lisa de Moraes in this morning’s New York Times, Dick Ebersol, Chairman of NBC Sports, believes that the mess NBC has created in its 10 PM through 12:35 AM time slots is the result of “an astounding [ratings] failure by Conan” on the Tonight Show. (I think I deserve points for not making any of the obvious jokes involving Mr. Ebersol’s first name. Thank you. Thank you very much.)

Mr. Ebersol’s conclusion is tantamount to suggesting, let’s say to the police, that they follow someone by driving in front of them. There are two reasons why Conan’s ratings aren’t yet what they will be eventually. The first is that his particular brand of fresh, innovative comedy is somewhat of an acquired taste. Jay is “old school” by comparison. Conan has only had the show for 7 months. Give him time. He’ll build the audience NBC wants and desperately needs.

The other reason for Conan’s current ratings is the poor lead that NBC has delivered from the debacle which is the Jay Leno show at 10 PM. It’s not Jay’s fault, per se. It was a bad programming choice by network management. Blaming Conan for it is ridiculous, and Ebersol should get back to trying to save some of the $200 million NBC Sports is forecast to lose on this year’s Winter Olympics.

Conan’s Tonight Show is in it’s infancy alright, but it’s not the reason affiliates are screaming about their 11:00 PM local news shows losing up to 50% of their audience since NBC but Jay Leno on 5 nights a week at 10 PM. No, Dick, it’s the other way around. Local news viewership is down because of weak, however profitable, but weak 10 PM programming, and The Tonight Show’s ratings are suffering for the same reason.

Note to NBC senior management: It’s not Conan. It’s not even Jay. It’s your genius programming management that’s the problem and needs to be replaced.

Not to worry. Conan has put The Tonight Show up for sale on Craig’s List. I say we all chip in, buy the show, and leave it right where it is.

4 SALE: BARELY-USED LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW-MAKE ME AN OFFER!!! (Universal Studios)

This is a chance of a lifetime to own your very own late night talk show — guaranteed to last for up to seven months!! Really must see to appreciate!”

Information for potential buyers:

Measures 100′ x 100′ x 32′ — plenty of room for a futon.

Designed for 11:35, but can be easily moved.

Band can be sold separately.

Buyer must honor Barry Manilow booking next Thursday.

MAKE YOUR BEST OFFER!!!!!  (Also willing to trade for Coldplay tickets.)

-wf


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“People of Earth:” The class act and great comedy of Conan O’Brien.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

In a professional, heartfelt and completely reasonable letter to NBC management, Conan O’Brien has rejected the notion that he would move his show from 11:35 PM to 12:05 AM behind Jay Leno. I won’t summarize its content. It’s brief, to the point, and very much worth reading – if for no other reason for its comic salutation and last paragraph. If ever there was any doubt, which there wasn’t, Conan is a class act and world class comedian.

To NBC management, if they’re listening, the problem isn’t Conan O’Brien, it’s Jay Leno and the 10 PM daily time slot that has basically killed Jay’s momentum as a major draw. Way to go. I like Jay, but Conan is the future of The Tonight Show legacy. You need to get your own act together and come up with compelling television for 10 o’clock.

If anyone needs to go, it’s NBC programming senior management that’s kept their network in third place behind Fox and CBS.

As for me, I’ll be following Conan to whatever planet he ends up – “in the year 2000.”

-wf


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There are many reasons to die. A typo shouldn’t be one of them.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

As you may have heard, one of the reasons we let a terrorist on board that Christmas day flight to Detroit was apparently because his name was misspelled on some list or screen. (See, for example, “State Department failed to confirm terror suspect’s visa,” CNN Politics, January 8, 2010.) The correct spelling, as best I can tell, is “Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab,” with or without the space between his last two names.

Joe Smith

Admittedly, particularly for westerners unfamiliar with Muslim names, it’s a far cry from “Joe Smith” and typos are human nature. Okay, but lives are at stake. In no small way, the fate of a great nation hangs on the quality of our security systems and the software on which those systems rely.

Mind you, I’m no techie, but I do use Google and, yes, I sometimes misspell something when I initiate a search. When I do, Google responds by asking, “Do you mean: …,” and suggests an alternative spelling based on information it has on file. Within reason, go to Google and try entering Mr. Abdul Mutallab’s name, making an innocent typo when you do, and see what happens.

Typo

Am I being unfair? After all, Mr. Abdul Mutallab is all over the Internet now, but was unknown on the Internet before Christmas. Sure, but my point is still valid. When lives are on the line, the least we can expect is for our security systems software to find similar names and offer them as options to the authorities who might then realize, in a world of long, complicated and unfamiliar names, that maybe, just maybe the guy waiting nervously in line to board the plane, the one with the unusually large bulge in his pants, is worth a second look.

Maybe it’s time we put Google in charge of airport security. There are many reasons to die. A typo shouldn’t be one of them.

If you have time, take a look at To paraphrase Walt Disney, “Yemeny Cricket!”, published Monday, January 4, 2010 on the WordFeeder.

-wf


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It’s not what Senator Reid said that’s so troubling, as it is our reaction to it.

Monday, December 11, 2010

We live in an age in which everybody is way too sensitive.

For the record, I’m not a big fan of Harry Reid, Majority Leader in the Senate. I don’t think he’s that bright. I think he cares more about politics than about the American people. And I think he has a reckless disregard for the Constitution and our laws as recently demonstrated by his having bribed some of his colleagues to secure their votes for what has got to be one of the most ill begotten pieces of major legislation in the our country’s history. With any luck, the voters of Nevada will consider it their duty to throw him out of office in November.

During the 2008 Presidential campaign, as reported in a new book, “Game Change,” by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann, Senator Reid made the observation that America was probably ready for a “light-skinned” African American, well-spoken, “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” (Breathtaking, isn’t it, the things a person of Senator Reid’s intellectual power thinks about in his spare time.) Senator Reid has now apologized to President Obama. To no one’s surprise, Republicans are busy complaining about there being a double standard based on what they imagine the Democrats would be screaming if Reid had not been one of their own.

To his credit, President Obama has accepted Senator Reid’s apology, for what it was worth. While Candidate Obama may have used race to help him get elected, the last thing President Obama needs right now is the distraction of another headline-stealing discussion of racism in America. Between healthcare legislation, Afghanistan, Yemen and other crises real and imagined, he has other things on his mind.

Hmmm. My problem is that I don’t think Senator Reid said anything to apologize about. We might not like what he said for its implications about lingering racism, but the fact that he said it doesn’t change anything for the better or worse. That he said it at all, apparently in what he thought was a private conversation, says more about his age and profession than it does about any personal biases he may hold. In fact, it says nothing at all about the latter.

For another, what if it hadn’t been Harry Reid who said it? What if it had been, oh, I don’t know, an academically objective black Professor of Political Science at a major, well respected university? The point is, as an academic observation, it has merit. It’s at least debatable, and certainly no cause for panic – or apology.

No. The problem here is not what Senator Reid said, it’s the fact that he felt the need to apologize for it, that President Obama considered it appropriate to accept his apology rather than decry the need for it, and that it’s now become a big deal.

What is going on? Is our country being run my nincompoops? Does anyone not involved in Washington politics really think this is worth talking about – other than the media, of course? And please… Please don’t tell me that rank and file black people are insulted. With the exception of most of our elected officials in Washington, no one is really that small-minded.

-wf


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Maybe it’s time we put Google in charge of airport security.

Friday, January 8, 2010

As you may have heard, one of the reasons we let a terrorist on board that Christmas day flight to Detroit was apparently because his name was misspelled on some list or screen. (See, for example, “State Department failed to confirm terror suspect’s visa,” CNN Politics, January 8, 2010.) The correct spelling, as best I can tell, is “Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab,” with or without the space between his last two names.

Joe Smith

Admittedly, particularly for westerners unfamiliar with Muslim names, it’s a far cry from “Joe Smith” and typos are human nature. Okay, but lives are at stake. In no small way, the fate of a great nation hangs on the quality of our security systems and the software on which those systems rely.

Mind you, I’m no techie, but I do use Google and, yes, I sometimes misspell something when I initiate a search. When I do, Google responds by asking, “Do you mean: …,” and suggests an alternative spelling based on information it has on file. Within reason, go to Google and try entering Mr. Abdul Mutallab’s name, making an innocent typo when you do, and see what happens.

Typo

Am I being unfair? After all, Mr. Abdul Mutallab is all over the Internet now, but was unknown on the Internet before Christmas. Sure, but my point is still valid. When lives are on the line, the least we can expect is for our security systems software to find similar names and offer them as options to the authorities who might then realize, in a world of long, complicated and unfamiliar names, that maybe, just maybe the guy waiting nervously in line to board the plane, the one with the unusually large bulge in his pants, is worth a second look.

There are many reasons to die. A typo shouldn’t be one of them.

If you have time, take a look at To paraphrase Walt Disney, “Yemeny Cricket!”, published Monday, January 4, 2010 on the WordFeeder.

-wf


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